Just to BE...and ENJOY...

JUST BE....these are wise words from a dear friend of mine that I never was sure if I just didn't grasp the concept, or if I just didn't know how to BE. It has never been my second nature. As a single parent I had to make split decisions and guide my child into life, as an appointment clerk I had to guide and shuffle and fit things in where they could fit. As a truck dispatcher I had to control the flow and direction on a constant basis and make things happen. I was good at all of these things, I enjoyed it and it made me thrive. Today my life has changed. Today I don't have anything I can control except for myself. It's a tough adjustment and at times I wish I dealt with it better. I have to learn for myself what this little phrase means. What I do know is that it doesn't mean I give up, it just means I let go...stop trying to fix everything...and see what happens.

I envy the people you see who can just take things in stride, adapt, and move forward, smiling and their heads held high. I feel that small fire burning inside me to be that way. Its a learned behavior not an instinct. It is something I have to work at and at times it is minute by minute that I am reminding myself of this mantra. We are who we make ourselves become today. I LOVE the thought of that!! I have no control over my health condition and what it has come to, but I DO have control of what I do to maintain it and how I view my circumstances. I cannot control the direction my daughter takes with her life, but I CAN be proud and supportive, and understanding when she needs me. I have no control over what tomorrow brings but I think the biggest thing to remember is...

WHO KNOWS?!?!?!

I may have a lung and auto-immune disease but I am alive TODAY!. I may not have that love from a man who is my intimate partner and best friend, but I DO know what love is. I may not know what day I am going to see hug my baby girl again, but I know I WILL. 

Just because we can't see where the road will lead later today or tomorrow, we can't worry about it. When we do...we miss out on the perfect moments of the present and then feel as though something is missing or lost. You can't go back, you can only go forward. The trick is to not go so far that you miss the memory your making in the present. HAPPY FRIDAYYY!