Why not today???

  Today's thoughts have inspired me to write. Many "bumper sticker" quotes have run through my mind. " Use the good china today, you don't know if you will get the chance to use it tomorrow", " Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today"...you get the idea. We have all heard a ton of them throughout our lives for certain.

  It seems we are guilty at waiting for something to change or be prosperous before we take action. I have found myself caught in the rut lately. I think, ' Oh, I will hold off on that until I get my own place', ' I don't want to do this or that until my health gets better'. It's almost like I forget there is a way to enjoy and do these things today and still work toward my accomplishments BEFORE I get to the FINISH LINE. Life is not a race and we are never guaranteed more than this moment right here. If we hold off and don't enjoy things, we may never get the chance.

  I say, take a little risk and have faith today. Use Grandma's old china today and not wait for the "special event" before you bring it out. Don't be afraid that  you may chip a plate or make a mistake.  That is how we learn and HOW do we learn if we do not try??? 

  I know this cannot work for EVERY situation in life, but we all have common sense and know how to respect others. As long as what we try doesn't hurt ourselves or anyone else....I say "WHY NOT"??? 

  It has been awhile since I have written and I thought, 'Oh, I will start again once I get a working computer' (when there is one I can use just fine, just wasn't mine)...or 'Once I get my own place and my health is more stable...then I will write again." Today, I decided I had heard myself say that ENOUGH! I want to do and enjoy this moment, this day, this season and I deserve to! So Do You!!!  I had the inspiration and stopped long enough to share today.
My suggestion: anyone who can relate to this to just try it. It made me feel better.  Positive thoughts come with positive actions!

Wait For It, But Go Get It...

Do you know what you want in this life? Have you taken the time to answer this age old question or have you just asked yourself a million times only to give up because you get impatient? Patience is a virtue that some of us still have yet to learn. Sometimes it feels like "I don't have time to wait," or "I'm fine the way things are, I don't need anything else." Knowing what we want is an inside job. What happens when we don't take the time to figure it out?

I find that throughout my life I have displayed a history of impatience. If it wasn't the fact that I gave up on an art project because it was taking too long to finish, or the short cut I decided to take off the bike path even if I risked the chance of getting a flat tire. I've DONE THEM ALL!!! I think back now and even as a kid I learned to manipulate what I was tired of waiting for. I found that this worked out perfectly as long as I rendered the same result I desired. This is a terrible habit and I don't recommend it because you know what I DISCOVERED?? That not everything in life is able to be manipulated. HUMMMPPHHH! Childbirth....un-manipulable! Too much weight to lose by Sunday....really unable to manipulate. Wrong relationship? Job that is unsuitable? ? Wanting that apple to be an orange? All bring negative results when trying to manipulate the outcome. The insanity always bring the same...a very unsatisfied and tired ME! I usually sit alone afterwards at some point and reflect. When I am finally able to see clear enough I usually come back to the same discovery.  I wanted this....I got impatient....I settled. Then I get to suffer. It's like teaching your kid to hit a baseball. They can't always predict the exact speed or curve it will have so you learn the basics and CRACK! Once you make contact....you know. It feels good, it looks good, and everyone cheers!!! Well, something like that anyway. It's a hard lesson to learn but giving up, settling, or simply not doing anything to get what we want is just INSANE!

Bottom line is, we can't afford to settle. Nothing in this life is fulfilling if it's just O.K. Think about what you want, know that you deserve every bit of it and GO FOR IT!

Avoid the Avoidable Irritants...

  
  It seems are bodies are like cars. You have to keep up on your fluids, fuel, and do the necessary maintenance in order to get the most miles out of it. Every time you take your car out of the garage, you expose it to factors you have no control over. Weather, other cars, and road conditions are all outside factors that can affect the outcome of your trip.

     One of the first things I think of when I get "crabby" is, Where did this come from? One of the biggest offenders for me is HUNGER! Plain and simple. If I'm thirsty, hungry, or tired, my mood is directly the first thing affected. I suppose that is why I was so attracted to this poster. While I cannot control who crosses my path and what they choose to present to me or determine the weather, I do have factors I can control. If I keep my nutrition levels up and exercise what I can then my body feels better and I operate better physically and mentally. I have to focus on what I can do and not what I can't.

    Is there ONE thing you can change today to make it better and easier? Focus on what you can control in your life and not what you can't today. One minor adjustment at a time can make a big difference once you recognize it and follow through. Be your own driver today....and feel the BENEFITS!

    

A Change In What Comforts You...

Recent visits with the doctors have brought about another change in my lifestyle. I know it's for the better, but I am independent and slightly resistant to change. Since I was diagnosed with a connective tissue disease that features abnormal immune system activity with inflammation in my tissue (LUPUS), I have been told I am a lung transplant is not an option. When surgeons consider doing transplant operations, they look at the odds. Those of us with connective tissue disease generally have a very low success rate as our tissue will not connect and accept the new organ. Being faced with that, you look at what CAN be done.

Well, I still have 48% total capacity left that is still good. What can I do to improve that or keep it from deteriorating? I get to try pulmonary therapy. This is generally for patients with Emphysema in which they breathe "differently" than I do but we are going to see if they can adjust it to fit my need.

Next....is diet. Relieving the body of excess weight and certain ingredients will allow daily tasks to become easier and build muscle instead of putting all the burden on the lungs. Basically, I have to go low carbohydrate and gluten free! I didn't realize it but since this "ruling" I have been taking in all the carbs and gluten I can find!!! All of these foods involved have been my comfort. I couldn't help but throw my own little internal FIT because I feel I have been stripped of everything that soothes me over the past year! Figuratively speaking, I had to take the time to bang my spoon on the high chair and cry it out. Now that that was over, I had to start looking at the positive. I was going to live, my health is going to improve, this will enable me to feel better overall. This new lifestyle is going to be my NEW comfort. Is this the kind of thing it takes before we get up and do something GOOD for ourselves? The thought is a little alarming...but its true. I would have never given these things up on my own.

Think about what it will take for you today? Is there a small change you can make today that will make a difference in your health? Is it worth it to exercise a couple of times a week now to lessen the chances of a heart attack later? I used to think I was an exception to a lot of life's rules. I found out.....I'm just HUMAN. Make a change for you today....YOUR WORTH IT!

Hmmmmm...

Some days your the windshield....some days your the bug. Those other days...well, must be when I'm the windshield wiper! Your just hanging out....and nothing is bad or wonderful. It's just MEH. These days are still days to be treasured. It's our pit stop in the middle of all this LIFE that continuously happens.

These are great days for recharging. To refill our energy levels so to speak. Let's face it. It's easier to stay positive in life if you nurture yourself once and awhile. There is a reason why in flight emergency situation call for you to first put your oxygen mask on before helping others. This is so you will be able to help them. Makes sense when you look at it that way doesn't it?  I used to think I had to get permission for this. I had an extremely busy lifestyle being a full time employee, single mother, and head of household (no maids were ever used). I didn't stop! I just kept going and going past my limits until I ran out of energy and crashed. This is not an option for me today and it's a blessing. I've learned that if I learn to balance my health and my responsibilities I not only feel good, I am happy. When I'm happy, I can be positive about things that cross my path. I have a better attitude about eating healthier, accomplishing tasks, and living!

How is your personal tank today? Is it running low or full of life? Do a spot check every once and awhile. Avoid hunger, tiredness, and lack of YOU time. We cannot be there for others in life if we don't first take care of OURSELVES. 

Lessons Learned The Hard Way...

One of the greatest lessons I have learned in life is to pick my battles. Let's face it. Not everything everywhere being said or done is going to be satisfying to us. If we let it get under our skin, it doesn't upset the situation or others....it upsets us. Is it worth it? I recently attended a Women's Expo and talked to a medical expert about the effects of our nervous system on our health. It is a bigger connection than you think. When you think about it....it makes sense. If we are stressed and anxious in our day, how do we feel physically? Achy? Tired? Sick? It comes from within.

Being the "human" that I am....I challenge what I know on a daily basis. I seem to want to take something that is unsatisfying and wrestle with it until I am wore out. That is when I have to stop myself and ask "HOW IMPORTANT IS THIS GETTING UPSET OVER"? I can be upset by a doctor's decision and thoughts....but it doesn't do anything but upset me! It certainly does not change the diagnosis. I can worry be upset about the price increase in limes and lemons but as long as I buy them...does it really matter? My point is....by getting upset and complaining I am simply stealing my own joy. I don't have enough life left to do that. I choose to be happy and that requires me to use my energy wisely.

Take a moment today to look at what matters in your life. If you are getting upset over things that are out of reach or something you don't intend to do anything about....STOP! 

 Focus on what you can do and not what you can't. Make sure you tank is full before trying to drive over someone else.

Happiness Is A Choice...

It seems that each day I find a new way to be happy. It may be something as small as being able to clean my one bedroom apartment, or walking my dog further than I did the day before. There are even days that simply making an old lamp work makes me happy. I find happiness in these things because they give me a sense of accomplishment. Accomplishments make me feel good about myself. It's as simple as that sometimes.

There are things that come up in our lives that require us to be unhappy. Mourning the loss of a loved one, changes in our lives that do not seem fair, money, news we didn't want to hear......there will always be these factors. It is very natural to first feel our reactions, what isn't natural is continuing to sit in the pain or sadness from them. Don't get me wrong, just because I said it was simple, doesn't mean I said it would be easy. I find that sometimes I can be pretty happy about most things during my day but there is something that just bothers me and keeps me from feeling like it's a "good day". Once I become honest with myself and address it, then find the positive in it....I can move forward. That's when I feel the glow in my smile again and reveal the sparkle in my eyes. It takes what it takes and it's up to me to do it!

How do you feel today? Is there something small and easy you can do to make it better? When you can't find the answer try this.....Do something for someone else. It's an old magic trick that has been around for years, but it works! I SWEAR!!! It doesn't have to be for anyone you know, it may be as simple as putting something back where you found it at the store instead of dumping it in the checkout line because you changed your mind. It allows the store person to focus on helping a customer rather than clean up what we left behind. Take someone's shopping cart back for them. Do SOMETHING......GET OUT OF YOURSELF...that's the KEY. That's when the answers to my trials or sadness come. That's when we can look back and see that everything is as it should be.

It Takes Action...

Just as the old Rankin and Bass shows that come out at Christmas time say, "put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking across the floor". Life REQUIRES action. When I was growing up there were all kinds of "life" messages in movies and  cheesy kid shows. The truest thing I know is that...Everything I Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten.

Think about it. Be nice, don't hit, always say "please" and "thank you". Those were the simple ones to follow. It was the lessons like this one that I forget. You will get nothing if you don't take the necessary actions to get there. I could stand all day in the garage and it will never make me a car!  I can hope to someday be a great writer but if I don't start the first chapter I will only be a writer in my own mind. We want others in life to treat us with respect and love. The question is...do we give it? I want to get to a point in my health that is acceptable for me and I will never get there if I don't do my part. Sometimes it's the lack of motivation that needs to be sparked but honestly, sometimes it's the simple fact I need to get off the PITY train and do it! It's always easier to play the victim than than conqueror. It just doesn't work that way! 

SO.....this is what I do. I take it slow at first. I stay focused on what I want to accomplish and I keep going. If it's one thing I have learned about myself is that I'm a "fighter". I don't know what "giving up" means. Although there have been times I wanted to....I can't. That is a GREAT GIFT! I'm lucky because not everyone thinks that way and it's sad. In moments of weakness (let's face it...we all have them) I feel it, sometimes cry about it, and then shift into a plan of action. It is what works for me and what I know is that all the faith in the world is not going to change a thing if I don't do my part and Take Action!

 It's in all of us....we just need to find it and USE IT!!!

When We Look Hard Enough...

No one ever said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it!  It is one of the tougher things to do in life. There are times I would rather have to move 20 bricks across a football field to find the answer than to look within myself. I grew up knowing that if you worked hard, you would get what you earned and then some. It all came to be true. There are just those OTHER things in life that money and hard physical work cannot buy. You know what they are.

The cards we are dealt aren't always the ones we want. Life isn't always fair. Why do bad things happen to good people. Do NICE GUYS always finish last??? Points that have been pondered over the years and the questions haven't changed. Guess what??? Neither have the answers!  I know life isn't fair, but it helps us to build our own individual character. If it was easy, we would all be the same. So called BAD things happening to GOOD people...I believe that it's because we are strong enough to handle it. Russell Wilson's dad always taught him not to ask "why me?" but to ask "why NOT me?!"!! What does it mean to finish last? Is your life over??? NO!

What I know for this girl is...I am one of the strong! I am nice and just because a "season" in my life ends, does not mean that it is bad. If I ask myself honestly...I know I am nice and this far, I have NEVER finished last! So, I keep moving forward, onward and upward and don't look back because the best stuff has yet to be revealed!

Growing Spurt...

I am back from my 'growing spurt' as I like to call it. Wow...a lot can change in a year. 
      One year ago, I had just gotten back from seeing my daughter after she had completed boot camp. 
        One year ago, I wasn't on oxygen 24/7.
       One year ago, I was fully self-supporting and worked a good job. 
       One year ago, there were even different people in my life than there are today.

So many changes in what seems like such a short amount of time. It can be overwhelming.

Life happens...we have no control over that. With every change comes a choice. Will I embrace it? Or...Will I resist it? There are always those first choices. Not every situation is the same and I certainly do not respond to every situation the same. What I know from experience is that when I stop trying to wrestle with it or figure it out, it all just falls into place. AMAZING!! The more I fight with it or meddle with it, the worse it gets. WHY? Here's the bummer, I don't know...all I know is it make me unhappy!!! I am trying to learn to embrace the changes and pick my battles today. This girl gets tired in her older years...

My point is, I first  have to recognize what my actions are. If I'm being a 'big turd'...I know something is up and I need to just let it go. When I'm not making the best choices, I need to step back, take a break, and recharge. I only have control of what happens with me. I am responsible for making myself happy. I am responsible for taking my health seriously and doing what I need to be doing.
 I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS GIRL!
 If I'm not happy, it's MY fault and I re-evaluate. I'm not saying I am incapable of throwing a fit, I'm just saying when I'm done feeling like that and acting that way, I stop wrestling to control it then I can get back on track.

That's when it happens...everything just falls into place.

Just Taking A Minute...

I just wanted to take a minute to apologize for not being around for a little while but I believe that taking time out for growth is also important. I'm ready, and I will be back after a good nights rest with plenty of inspiration and positivity to share.

For One Day...

     King For A Day by the Thompson Twins was a fairly overplayed song when I was growing up. It was the first thing that hit my mind when I saw this poster by Gayle Forman. Think about one moment from several months ago. What emotion do you feel? HAPPINESS...frustration...EXCITEMENT...sadness?  Now, what happens when you think about that same moment??? Time has passed, things change, feelings change. Does it create the same feeling?

A 24 hour period can change so much. It can change our mood, our direction in life, and our patterns. It only takes an occurrence to spark a memory of those moments. I find myself looking back on some things in life and seeing that what seemed like a travesty could now sprout a SUCCESS. I see where a certain circumstance shifted me in the direction it was time to go. Sometimes it can be sad. If there is someone you miss, maybe a loved one has passed, or a friend has left, you feel it right in your heart. I am pretty certain there is a string from my heart to my eyeball too because it yanks on the valve that creates a tear. I think about that tear and it's identical followers.  I find that for me, those tears do not always have pain behind them. When I open my eyes a different perspective forms. Where I could only see the pain or down side of this event then, I am able to see it clearly now. This is when I know I have let go of the sadness and negativity. It is freeing when you think about it.

When life feels stagnant and it seems things will never change, stop and think back on where you were 6 months ago, or even a year ago. LIFE changes daily and just when you think its the same, look again. 
You may be SURPRISED!!!  

No words today...just happy!!!

Have an amazing day and be happy...

It's All A Chain Reaction...

ALL it takes is the first one to start. It doesn't seem to matter what emotion or action it is that we take, it seems to keep being passed on and is so widely spread we do not see how far it will reach. We just know it happens. Human kindness...begins with us.

This week I swallowed some pride and took the high road in a situation that honestly still makes me cringe at times. I had to, it was just the right thing to do. From this one action, I have been blessed many times over this week. Now, I can't swear that this is what happens every time to every one or if this is where it started. What I do know is that is how it worked for me this week. I was in line at the coffee shop and found out the lady in front of me had bought my coffee for me. I felt really "lucky" at that moment and was pretty excited...and then I thought. UH OH! Pay It Forward Shari...YOUR TURN!!!  I sort of panicked as I thought about what I could do. I now had my 2.50 to share with someone else. Did I buy the person behind me their coffee? No. I went to different places and spread some forwardness in my own way. Does it matter where we do it? NO. Does it matter HOW we do it? NO. It's the principal of it. The best part is that it didn't stop there for me. I was getting gas and had to go inside to see the clerk. I noticed a young boy next to me who had a birth defect which caused him to have one little arm. I smiled at him and then he spoke to me. He said..."I'm sorry." I looked around like what did he do? I replied, "Why are you sorry"? He said for what happened to you to make you wear that on your nose. I smiled and took a good look at him and thought about what he just said. It gave me goose bumps. That's a good person in front of me is all I could think. I assured him that it turns more into a blessing every day and listed a couple of positive aspects of my condition. We parted with compliments and all the way home I thought about this. Here is a boy who deals with his disability daily and he reaches out to someone he sees is "ill". It brought a tear to my eyes. Look what doing the right thing in life can SPARK.

We may not all have the money to buy someone's lunch or coffee in the "Pay It Forward" theory but we do know human kindness. We do know right from wrong, politeness and helping our fellow man. We know how to smile at someone who is frowning and we know how to hold a door for someone. The point is, this is all a CHAIN REACTION and it has to start with someone but it takes the efforts from the rest of us to keep it going.

Show some random KINDNESS today and make a difference.

We All Wear Masks...

We all wear MASKS. We are sometimes uncertain about when they go up but we know when they are on securely. These masks are not often worn to hide our looks, but rather to hide our pain. Whether we are experiencing physical pain, emotional pain, or just the random pain due to fear, we put them on. We wear them proudly and flaunt them around as if it were really as it seemed.

Mask wearing can start at a young age, but when I think about it, I probably had them at times from the age of 8 on thru today. In all honesty, I have wore mine to hide pain, to hide truth, to hide expression. The mask was the "look good" to the outside world. It protected me from someone knowing what was going on inside or to protect me from fear. I could uphold that strong, unbreakable reputation of the person I portrayed. It was safe and constant. I still put it on once and awhile, but today it is so others don't hurt. Today, I put it on so that I don't create a reason for someone else to lose hope.

What I do know is that I can't always be strong, I need a shoulder to cry on too. I can't always keep up with what needs to be done, but I can DO MY BEST...DAILY!  I've learned that just because I have to ask for help or have someone listen to me, it does not make me weak, or turn me into a negative person. We all have it within us to be negative...but we all have it within us to be POSITIVE too. I battled with myself for the first 5 months of this disease and I punished myself for something that isn't my fault. I set a standard for myself that was not realistic. I had to figure it out. I had to re-evaluate what this new lifestyle would be. I had to realize I was still the same woman, only 
 
BETTER!  YES...BETTER!

I'm thankful that I get to press through the ailments of this lifestyle change, I am glad it is me instead of someone I love. I have learned so much in this short amount of time and I can handle more.

I've got this!!!
 

Overcome the Frustration...

Every day is not a day where your able to kick your feet up and not have a care in the world. We encounter daily frustrations. It's just a fact of life. It can last a second or an hour...it can last all day! I analyze my frustrations on a daily basis. I realize that under current life changes that are beyond my control, I have to pick my battles. I can't be upset that some jerk parked in my favorite parking space or that the lady at the restaurant got my order wrong. I get to feel the frustration of my illness. I get to push past little things that happen on a daily basis and deal with what is most important. As big of a challenge it is...I'm grateful. I say "GET" to because it shows me how small some things I have always gotten upset over in life are just that...small.  

Today the real challenge for me is staying ahead of my immune disease. If the weather changes I don't just get the sniffles...I get sick! There is not one ounce of control I have over the weather, I just deal with it.  I don't get to be upset over the fact that I have to go to work on Monday. I GET to be upset that my medicine makes the inside of my mouth sensitive to many foods and makes me not want to eat. That isn't the part that's terrible...it's the fact that the same medications make me gain weight for no reason apparent to ME!  My body seems to fight against itself and that my friends...is SHEER FRUSTRATION! Not being able to control elements that frustrate us is a big deal. I personally don't like it!  Alas, I deal with it and you know what? It teaches me.

I wish there were things in life that didn't make us suffer before we are able to see what really matters, what is really important. I could have saved myself a lifetime of needless worry and anxiety if I could have seen this for myself instead of having to get sick to be able to see. The magnitude of someone walking away from you because they didn't fall in love with you is not tragic, it hurts but we live. The fact that I didn't get that dream job I wanted sucks, but again there is no tragedy. Perspective changes when we are faced with problems beyond your control. We have to find it within ourselves to believe that the right job, the right love, or the right weather will come. Even under current circumstances I am able to see that the weather will not be like this everyday and I will get through this today. I have to believe that just because the "formula" they try on me isn't right today, that there is a chance to adjust it tomorrow. There is always hope.

Stay positive, never give up, and believe...it will come.

Today's Prescription...

Yesterday is a memory and tomorrow has no guarantees at this point. That is what entered my crazy little mind this morning. Yesterday was not one of my best day's health wise and I made the best of it.I take my medications, I drink my smoothie, and I smile. Today, I woke up with a vengeance against the condition that tries to overtake me. I said NOPE, NOT HAPPENING!!! Today, that is not good enough for this woman!!!

The sun is shining, there is a Dutch Bro's to be had, and my little dog deserves a morning at the park!  That is my mind set. There was gas in the car, $3.00 in my pocket, and the weather is just right. I had no excuses. It made me think about our mindsets. A self defeating mindset can wreck us before we have the chance to "check" ourselves. I wasn't going to let that be me today. It's not just the pills I have to take, it's my actions that make the difference. Out to the car, coffee in hand, I took the little dog to the park. Normally we only walk the small loop and today that wasn't good enough for me. I approached it with no expectation set on time, or pace. I just DID IT! We made the full loop and it made me feel good from the inside out. I proved to myself that I could do it and the fact that the action was taken made my body feel good.

I have always heard that actions speak louder than words and how true that is. I have a choice today, I can sit and wait for the medication to work, or I can do my part and take action to help it make progress. Since before I could remember there was a food pyramid on the package of bread sacks. It showed us what a balanced diet looked like. There was no magic pill, or magic exercise to cure the chubby kid...it was the action. It was following the basics and doing it that made progress happen. I tested the theory today after laying around and accepting my disease yesterday, today I challenged it. So far....I WON!  

Try a NEW prescription today...see what the options are and just DO IT!!!

Restrictions Can Be Blessings...

Some days bring restrictions. It may be my body telling me " no, not today", it may be the poor air quality outside, it could be no gas in the car, or simply not knowing where to go. I am pretty lucky to be here in Phoenix where the weather is amazing most of the time and there is a ton of stuff to do. I am learning to live within my means and use my creativity in new directions.

Today's weather report brought up the "Poor Air Quality" report which means that people in my situation should not be outside. It happens, no big deal...but for some reason I felt bummed. Doesn't Mother Nature know I had PLANS?!?!?!  With a few necessary tasks to complete I tackled them and got back home where I am sentenced for the day. Time to turn this around! It took a few minutes but lets face it...I'M GETTING GOOD! I dug out some of my favorite comfort clothes, planned a healthy lunch, got out the lazy blanket and decided to have a Glee marathon day! YEP! I said GLEE! It's perky and captures my interest which are good things to keep my spirits up. I GET to relax today, I GET to burn scents in my Scentsy to make my home smell nice, I GET to lay around in comfy clothes, and I GET to take care of myself with a healthy lunch.

Instead of being upset that the weather ruined what I PLANNED to do today and wonder why this happens TO me, I turned it around to see how it happened FOR me. I forget to slow down sometimes and it's necessary so this weather was a blessing. We never know when something that ruins our plans shows up to create better ones.

Don't Just See An Expression, Feel It...

 

My boy! My Buddy! Cosmo is my little dog who is happy to see me no matter if I have left him alone for 10 minutes or 10 hours! There have been days in the past year and a half that have made me glad I have him. He saved my life and doesn't even know it.

He is one of the best canines I have seen. I can take him in public, I can leave him at home, he has traveled on planes, and been from the bottom of the United States to the top, even in a car! For this, he gets rewarded. We have Tuesdays for him. I took him somewhere he could run with no leash. He listens and he LOVES to chase birds. BAD BIRDS!!!  It's funny to watch him. He never hurts anything but loves to run until they fly off to a new spot and he turns around feeling proud. I learn when I watch him.

 This got me thinking about how much I have to be proud of. I have a beautiful daughter who I raised on my own serving in the US Army in Korea. I have a roof over my head, food in my cupboards, and a family who recognized every accomplishment I made in this life. I am proud! How many times in life do we give permission to be proud of ourselves? Conceit? Self-absorbed? Egotistical? Whatever you want to call it. I think a realistic dose of it is required once and awhile.

 There are times when it seems we don't pat ourselves on the back or take a minute to feel the joy from an accomplishment. There are a lot of things in life that can bring us down. There are even more things that frustrate us to the point of exhaustion but there is something about appreciating and being proud of ourselves that make a moment bright. Even if something doesn't feel like it should be at the moment and you have chased it as far as you can, then watch it fly away and experience the love that comes with letting it go.

I never wanted to let my baby girl go to Korea, and it wasn't easy, but I did. I look back on that now and I feel pride. She has turned into a beautiful girl. I have love and lost only to learn that real love meant to love it enough to set it free.
Most importantly, I have learned to love myself. Just as I am. When I love me, it is then that I can appreciate others like Cosmo, my daughter, my parents, and my friends.

No Matter Where You Go, There You Are...

HERE IT IS.....it's what I call my babysitter lunch. That is the term I used when I was a kid. It was the type of food you get served when your mom works full time and you went to a babysitter. I've had tuna sandwiches with chips before that were made by my mom, (not very often because they weren't my favorite) and they never tasted the same at the babysitter's house. Everything from texture to smell and taste when you're there is not HOME. I admit that I am no Betty Crocker for sure but as far as I know, tuna fish does not have one set recipe that we all follow. Some use mayo some use salad dressing, some put pickles in it and some don't. Everything from the amounts to the ingredients very. Now, I was fortunate to have great babysitters. They all loved me and treated me like their own. I became a part of their families. I consider myself a lucky girl.

With my daughter being in Korea and me being here in Phoenix away from everyone familiar and not what I always knew as home, I made myself this tuna sandwich and chips for lunch today. No big deal right? Wrong!!! I didn't just make lunch. I made comfort. Obviously feeling a little homesick this morning I chose to go to what I know. To make something familiar and comforting. While I am not overwhelmed with sadness or any type of depressed feeling, I just felt the "missing" part today.  It's natural, we all do. No matter how bad or miserable you could be there at times, it will always be your home and what you know.

I don't regret for one minute being right where I am today. I LOVE it here! I made this my NEW HOME. I was the only one who could. There is a sense of pride knowing that everything here today is what I have made it to be. I showed myself and others that it is possible. We can easily forget what we are capable of, doubt our strengths, and slide back towards the spiral vortex that holds some negativity. You know whats in there are the things that make us feel sad, or "less than". We have the strength to overcome that to get past a lonely moment, to feel the strength and not feel like the victim. We can make a new place our HOME and be happy.

Even if your comfort is a sandwich that sparks a memory, use it! Our strengths come from our inner tool box. You just have to find the right tools and use them!!!

Small Town Attitude in the Big City...

Going from a town of 22,000 people to a city of over 1,445,000 brings a lot of change. In a small town, when you wave at someone driving down the road...they smile and wave back. In the CITY if you do that...they flip you off! 

Everything from the way people drive down to exchanging smiles or conversation at a grocery store are different. This is one of the things we overlook when we get caught up in our 9 to 5 jobs, our daily routines, politics, religion, and taxes. I was out for a drive this morning and this thought popped into my head. WHAT HAPPENS IF I NEVER CONVERT AND CONFORM TO THE BIG CITY ATTITUDE?  Some old cliches come to mind, "nice guys finish last", "the hero always gets the dame", and don't forget "the early bird get's the worm". These have all been programmed into my mind since I can remember. I am almost positive one of my relatives spoke in cliches. Being the positive spirit  I am, I carry the positive ones and let go of the negative. It's almost like figuring out why I was put on this EARTH. Don't let that fool you though. In all honesty, I have my negative moments. I feel like after a year and a half I am finally getting through the roughest time in my life. Starting in January 2012 thru January 2013, I experienced so many major changes in my life that I was pretty sure I would be better off DEAD...and so would everyone else. I wasn't ME...I was lost.

 Through all of this I was glad I wasn't alone. I am very fortunate to have a lot of people in my life who love me, but THIS I had to get through on my own. No pill, no drink, no love, no amount of money, would fix this. It had to be ALL ME!

This is where I had to pull up my big girl panties and make a choice. LIVE or GIVE UP! This is where my positive thinking had to come full force. I had to pick my battles. Was I going to be upset at the guy who drove erratically and cut me off or was I just going to let him in so we all avoided the attitude? Was I going to still smile at people in the store and talk with them even if they looked at me like I was a weirdo invading their space bubble? The point is, every move I make is my choice. I can conform to the way others treat me, or I can rise above. I can take a chance on being thought of as a weirdo because I am overly friendly at times, or I can sit in silence alone. We all know what I choose. It is what feeds my spirit. That is my choice today, I believe we all have to stay true to ourselves without sacrificing others comfort. Today, I put my smile and friendly attitude out there and if someone doesn't respond it's o.k. It makes me feel good to try. I don't believe in pushing them to the point of discomfort because that makes the point mute, I just feel we never know when things will turn around. My small town friendliness may be contagious in the big city! It may not infect all  1,445,000 people if it will get to 4 of them, the rest has a chance to spread. INFECT others today and be the LEADER...PASS IT ON!!!

Feel the Music...

You know when you hear that song come on that sparks a memory. At that moment it seems we loose ourselves in it. You remember where you were, what you were doing, or who it reminded you of. Although the memories may not always be good, they were YOUR moments, YOUR memory, a part of your story.

I have relied on music most of my life. As a kid, I would ride my 10-speed around the neighborhood and listen to my little black tape recorder playing songs that felt as though they could make or break my life. The WORDS, the BEAT, the way it made me FEEL. Each new song I heard related to a time frame in my life.

Music is not just music to me. It obviously triggers memory,   but for me it enhances my moods. When I feel bad, I can put on a playlist of songs that are upbeat, and I feel happy. When I used to work out and didn't have any motivation...I could play music to motivate me. I learned pretty quick that music was one of the food groups for my soul. I know doing good things, and making good choices contribute to the health within me, but music...MUSIC fills me and touches me deep down inside. If I feel sad and lonely I certainly do not want to play a sappy love ballad right?!?!?! When it is time for us to put our babies to bed, do we ever sing a song similar to 10 Little Monkeys? 

Music can be felt. It is not something that you reach out and touch, it isn't even something that is identical to each person. Music is one thing we tailor to ourselves. The same song can affect me differently than another person sitting in the same room, on the same day, at the same time, as I am and they will gain their own perception. It will create their own memory. It will slide into their soul to be absorbed differently than it did me. To me that is what makes music so SPECIAL. What I get from it may never be the same thing that another person does...but it's mine. 
 What song did you hear today that fed your soul?

 

Try a New Road...

One of the first things I used when creating something was a template. It is easier to start something if you have the basic idea in front of you. When dealing in creativity that is all you need to begin. A template. How easy is that right?!?!?! You can't be certain of how something is going to turn out at the very beginning. All you can do is begin...start...and try it.

I thought of this when I saw this picture. My colors have never stayed inside the lines, I break my own mold, I take advice with a smile and run my own direction every time. Sometimes the result is good, sometimes it is not as good, but you know what? Sometimes it is EXTRAORDINARY!!! I loved the last part of this..."So, She Drew New Lines". That is exactly what I do. When something isn't quite going the right direction, I change course. If what I know to do is there to guide me and I can't quite catch the necessary niche...I make a new way. We have to tailor our lives to fit. All we have are guides and examples of what we have seen, heard and lived, to go by.

I like to keep it simple today. I know a square peg does not fit in a round hole but that square hole must be out there somewhere otherwise you would be no square peg! We can't give up, we can't get discouraged when the answer is NO. All we can do is move forward, make new lines, fill you day with the things that make you happy and everything WILL fall into place.

The Impact of a Picture...

I saw this picture today while surfing through PINTEREST photos. It brought tears to my eyes of JOY and feelings of Happiness to me. The roles are reversed for me as my daughter is currently serving in the U.S. ARMY in Korea. I miss her more than you could imagine some days but I'm PROUD. I wouldn't change of of this for the world. I have really been looking at pictures since I finished my art class. It has so much impact and in different ways to different people.

This picture represents how I feel each time I get to see my baby girl after she is gone for stints of time. To some, it could represent the sacrifice these soldiers make to keep us safe. It gives me goose bumps and I get a little choked up just writing this. There are times when I look at what I don't have or what I want but may never have.  Then I see pictures like this. Not only can I relate to the possible story behind it, but it helps me to realize how small my problems really are. It gives me HOPE and STRENGTH to keep going another day. 

While it is sad sometimes that I miss her, and it hurts when I have to let her go I remember that this moment comes again. The moment of HAPPINESS when we reunite.

 

Ahhh, Mortality...

It happens to all of us nice people. That day you wake up and look in the mirror and see a new wrinkle, or a gray hair revealed right before your eyes. I find myself asking..."when did that thing get here"? It's crazy. It's just like in my thirties when I realized I needed glasses. I was on a trip out of town and realized I was squinting to try and read street signs before I missed a vital turn!  Once again, I had to ask..."when did this happen"? It's a humbling feeling and we all go through it.

There are tricks we learn to do to accommodate the changes we encounter. We dye our hair, wax, pluck, botox, liposuction, and lasik eye surgery. We can do it all to try and EASE the pain of the inevitable. It isn't necessary but we do it. Little things that allow us to try and slow down the process and maintain that little amount of YOUTH to the outer world. It's not like it will take away a birthday, or erase a few years of your life. At the end of the day, we are still the same age on our driver's license. 

I believe in growing old gracefully but I won't let it move in and take over either. Is there anything wrong with that? My opinion is NO. We do things on a daily basis to allow us to feel better. It may not be what another person considers to be the "right thing to do", but it works for us. I am responsible for my own happiness today. One of my favorite sayings is "...if it feels good, makes you happy, and doesn't hurt someone you love...DO IT!" 

 

Good enough...Fair enough...Well enough...

How many times have you heard, "it's best to leave well enough alone"? How long can you do that? What does well enough mean?

It seems there are so many underlying circumstances to things what our hearts truly desire. I know what kind of car I want. Can I afford it today, no. I borrow my daughter's car currently because mine blew up on the north side of the 101 one day. Is that well enough? ABSOLUTELY!!! Does it satisfy my spirit? NO. So, I ask myself what I need to do for it to be that way, and I set up my foundation which involves; what I am willing to do to have it, realization on what is possible and realistic, guides and boundaries to keep me focused and on track, and  being sure that I am ready for it. Let's face it...if I am not ready for something, I will "half ass" it!!! I'm no SAINT!

Getting what we think we want is one thing. Getting what we KNOW we want is an entirely different story. I work harder for things that I have such a strong desire for.  The way I go about it does not always look pretty, but it's all PASSION. When there is something I want so badly that I don't WANT to be without...I hold on the the bitter end and I don't care what anyone thinks. In some situations it has worked out....like back in the day when you went Black Friday shopping and grabbed at the item you had to have. You don't let go!!!

In life, there are just some things we have to let go of. There are things we shouldn't let go of. It can be a little confusing. The point is, I have to decide by weighing the odds between; happiness and love, taking care of myself or working too many hours to get what I think I want. I have to check myself when I am upset. Sometimes I want something that I can't have. I have to question if what it is today, is exactly what I want for myself...just as it is?

 Am I willing to make the adjustments needed to obtain it?
 Can I live the rest of my life with those adjustments?
 This is when I can make a choice, and go with the flow. 

Stay In The Moment...

While I was out running errands today, I heard someone say..."Ugh, I can't wait until Friday", and I stopped and thought to myself, "man, it's only Monday". I know I used to say that a lot. At one point in my life I used to begin the dread on Sunday, counting down the hours until I had to get up and go to work Monday morning. We've all done this for one reason or another. It seems we are always waiting on something, someone, some event, or some special day to come. We can wish our entire lives away and completely miss our HAPPY MOMENT.

One of my biggest challenges at times is staying in the NOW. I get excited about something and it seems I start to plan and focus so far ahead of myself that I can miss about anything. Staying in the NOW allows me to enjoy each moment as it comes. 

When I notice myself getting off the radar, I stop and focus on one thing in my immediate vicinity. It can be the sound of wobbly ceiling fan chain clanking on the cover, or the whirring sound of the fan. I just give myself a minute to reel myself in and then I can move forward. It works for me, it brings me back to center. Truth be told, it's another little thing I do to remain content and happy. If I worry about tomorrow; dwell on the past; or concern myself with something that is beyond my control, it becomes easy to be upset and no longer content.  

Today I was reminded to focus on the things in front of me and make the most of each moment I am given. You never know what surprises are hidden in each one. 

Take the time and lighten up...

Sometimes it's silly, sometimes its just plain dumb...but some things just make you laugh. We need to laugh and lighten up! If we stay in a serious mentality all the time or take life too seriously, it can suffocate us. Life creates enough obligations and decision making, isn't it nice just to laugh, relax, and enjoy!

Just like the song you hear on the radio out of the blue, that makes you smile, or the way a sarcastic comment will produce a burst of laughter among a group of friends. The song may have ridiculous lyrics to it but it makes you smile or dance like a crazy person. It is like a virus...it just infects you and it FEELS GOOD! Enjoy sarcastic comments that may not be appropriate...but it's funny! Go ahead, laugh without judging, enjoy the moment. We need to stimulate those endorphins...we need to relax and enjoy our lives.

We follow rules and structure constantly in our daily lives. Even as kids we have always heard "do this, don't do that"...its structure and it's good,but what I do know is that if you continue to take things so seriously all the time, it will darken what is inside of us.  So give yourself permission to watch that cartoon today, revive that stupid joke you heard once that was so ridiculous it made you laugh until you cried, or dance the silliest moves you've got!!! CUT LOOSE TODAY!!! YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

Each Day Is What You Make It...

 Phoenix is a big area with many options for things to do. Everything from free to cheap is there to be had if you look for it. Sure, there are plenty of things to do like Spring Training Baseball games, NFL football games, concerts, weekend events, floating the Salt River, and a ton of nice places to eat. So, what do you do when you are on a budget, or you want to do a lot of things without taking a second mortgage out on your house? I have a friend who speaks fluent Groupon! She is a master!! This made made our outing affordable. She is willing to escape the normal routines of life and take an adventure. It is refreshing to have a friend like that who lives close.

I love baseball and always have since I played in grade school, my favorite position was center field and man....I had an ARM!! Today I was invited to take in a little league game. Here, it is the perfect time of year to venture out, support some of the teams in your local community, get some sunshine and fresh air and try something different!  These games are free...you may observe something as EXCITING as a GRAND SLAM home run accomplished by a 12 yr old. That beaming smile you see as it comes across their face, watching their posture change, PRICELESS. You see moments that will be memories for that ball player and his/her family for many years to come. It took me back thru some of my proud moments and my accomplishments and I knew what that kid felt. I was happy for him and his team mates.

 It's the things we have already experienced and the things we experience on a daily basis that create that. Think about it, two people out of an entire crowd and one moment has an impact on different levels for both. Pretty AMAZING! We just need to take the time to break out of our routines, try new places, put yourself in the moment everywhere you go. You never know what you will take from that experience.

Stepping out of the normal routine allowed me to witness a kids big accomplishment, hang out on a patio with some cool iced tea and great company. I took in an early dinner that was possible because of available resources and a good heart. It's out there to be had, just watch for it. LOVE YOUR LIFE and YOURSELF TODAY!!!

Shari's Thursday Adventure...

I love being out and about. You never know what you will see or who you will meet. While fear exists inside me, I am determined not to let it hold me prisoner. Being on a budget has taught me to be resourceful. If I look for it, it's usually there to be had. I don't believe in abusing things that are offered to us, but I do believe in using them for the purpose they are intended. I discovered that I get free transportation to and from my doctor's appointments, let's face it folks, gas is not cheap. I also believe that using public transportation contributes to our environment in a positive way, needless to say, I scheduled myself a cab which is provided to me by my insurance for no extra cost.
 I had finished with my appointment and instead of sitting inside the lobby to wait for my cab, I decided to sit outside.
I love to people watch. I'm not a stalker (unless you are Russell Wilson), but I enjoy watching how others interact. At first I saw a lady who would not smile at anyone and sat away from a little area by these beautiful cacti. I wondered what her story was or why she was so isolated.

Then I started my own study to pass the time. I decided to smile at each person that walked by me and see how many responses I could get. It was great, almost everyone smiled back! I make up my own scenarios in my head about each one and made myself giggle a couple times. It was entertaining. Then out of the doors comes a woman who is as friendly as I am, she talked pretty loud as she is hard of hearing but once we said hello, we had a great conversation about my portable oxygen and had just gotten the news from her doctor that she needed to think about having access to oxygen for times she struggles. I then found out she was the head of an immune deficiency organization. WOW! Talk about being at the right place at the right time. I won't bore you with the conversation, but let's just say, Ellen was put out there today for me to meet and take the next steps with my health issues. We exchanged information and she went about her way.

My cab driver was an interesting fellow, his message to me was repeated twice. "You know what to do, so just do it"! It was mentioned in our conversation at the beginning of our trip and after some good stories, he mentioned it again. It was like one of those movies from the 80's where the spiritual guide looks at the person and makes sure the message is planted, and then they disappear. Cy the cab driver originally out of New York, was that messenger for me today. It gives me goose bumps to think about it.

I know today that it pays to do something new and different, don't let fear stand in your way. You never know what you will encounter, or who you will see. Sometimes it's a big moment and sometimes they are just little things that can easily be missed, so WATCH for them. They are there and can contribute to your positive daily outlook.

Wishes and Dreams...

     I love to make wishes and dream. I love to envision me being a certain size, or having certain things.  I have wants and desires. There are things that make my body feel warm and cozy when I day dream of it coming true. It reminds me of a few of my different childhood toys. One of my favorite was the Magic 8 Ball. I would ask it questions, shake it around and let it reveal the answers to me. I remember a slumber party with friends from middle school and going to the cemetery to play Ouija. Funny it doesn't seem that long ago. My friends and I played M.A.S.H., it was a game created out of wishes, dreams, and an origami folded piece of paper.  We would be asked to answer 4 questions according to our wishes and dreams and by picking numbers or spelling words out, you would have your fortune told. It is all such a game of chance and often produced random results. It was still fun. It either fed the fire within us or left us wondering. It was one thing that we had that didn't squish my dreams, it fed them. I have always been a "LITTLE" bit of an optimist...(yeah right). HUGE OPTIMIST!!! Just in case anyone reading this doesn't know me yet, I thought I'd catch you up.

     The funny part is, the numbers changed, the boys names, how many kids we wanted to have, what type of job we thought we would obtain...it all.....CHANGED. It is really no different from today, as adults. We still have things that we dream about, and wish some things could be different.

 Looking for the confirmation or answer to knowing what is ahead? It can drive you mad. I find that pain has introduced major growing spurts internally for me. I know today why some things didn't work out 7 years ago. I didn't know it then, I just wanted what I wanted and did not understand why it wouldn't come. Today I know why that event turned out like it did and I'm glad. It turned out just like it was supposed to.

     Today I have certain things I am uncertain about. I had a little internal fear going on inside so, I found an app on my phone that was this Magic 8 Ball. I started shaking it and asking it questions just as I did as a young girl. I had to laugh. It reminded me that the answers were never the same. I can't remember what those wishes and dreams at that time in my life were, so if none of those things came true....I wouldn't know. My wishes and dreams changed and those answers were no longer important. You could have never told me back then that I wouldn't have a crush on that same guy forever, or that my career passion could change, or that life's happenings would change my entire life in an instant. I would never have listened. My positive reflection on this is that I am GLAD I had dreams and wishes, it kept me going every day. I continue to have hopes and dreams today, I just understand a little better when they change.