So much has happened. I'm now living in Maryland and seeing an entirely new team of doctors (change), I live with my kids (humble change), I am having to learn and connect with new people I encounter (huge change), and add to that along wih medication changes (debilitating change). I have been hit with a long battle with depression (not real positve I know, but it's reality). Please don't misunderstand me, I'm thankful for each and every one of these things brought before me. My struggle is within. I've always heard that happiness is an inside job which I completely believe, but that is what sucks! Dealing with people judging you, distancing themselves from you, and some even walking completely out of your life are hurtful. It is a pain that strikes deeply. Inside, you feel like no one is listening and that they are just talking about how YOU'VE CHANGED, and referencing it in a way that isn't a compliment. It hurts. No one knows your struggle but you. .
The fact is that there are people who understand, they are not just professionals out there who can help but people like me who have been through it and can offer first hand experience and share your pain in a way that can't be provided by someone just because they love you. If you haven't been through it, you just don't know. I thank God for those of you who haven't suffered from this serious and sometimes fatal condition.
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I'm here to share my journey of recovering from this dark experience. While I am not certified in any way, I do have experience under my belt and I know the struggles that come with the restlessness, the paranoia, the self hatred, the lifeless pain that you feel, and the one that hurt me the most, losing the love and support from some of those that were once there and no longer can be.
What I understand about those people is that they have their own battles to fight. They aren't bad people, they just are not the ones that can help. Do not lose hope...they may come back around.
My 1st experience that I have to share with you is about our minds and how depression twists and turns things into a negative thought process. BIG SURPRISE....we are the only ones who can change that. For me, I had to change how I was perceiving certain things. It doesn't mean I'm crazy...it just means I was looking through the world through a negative pair of glasses My new habit that is being formed is thinking of a STOP sign as soon as I feel the negative thoughts start to creep in, I recognize it, change my perception to a positive thought possibility, and after awhile, my perspective changes. It was not walk in the park the first few days, but it is getting me out of the danger zone a little quicker each time.
Just keep in mind. Happiness is an INSIDE JOB and it only WORKS IF YOU DO IT!
