Positively D

Positively D. Today's "D" is for two things occurring in my life today, Discouragement and Diagnosis.  I am not a woman of a lot of patience. If it is one thing I have learned from my disability is how to slow things down and learn the process. Being challenged daily with pain and thinking you are more capable than your body allows is very discouraging. In my mind I feel like a young vibrant girl who can run out and ride her bike again or go out dancing and walk the park with my little dog Cosmo like I used to. I am my own internal war. 

 I have returned from a long week of testing and travel due to my lung disease and after jumping through the hoops of being what feels like a "lab rat", I'm tired and disgusted with my continuous alteration of my diagnosis. The testing is hard and it hurts. Not just physically, but mentally. I am not perfect and cannot be positive 24/7 which irritates the heck out of me.

After a brief breakdown which is similar to a small child banging on her highchair and throwing a fit, I challenge myself. I Look for the silver lining. You may not see it at first. I just allow myself to throw that fit and let it go. Then I calm down enough to see it, to reach out and grab it and run with it as you would a kite to make it fly.

This my friends is what gets me through what I face daily. I am blessed with one of the most amazing group of family and friends who I call my support team! Truth be told, I probably have one of the largest too! It brings out my "princess" syndrome. I have always thought of myself as a princess and most people who know me have heard me referred to as such (mostly by my own claim :)). Even when I was a child I thought I was to be treated a certain way with respect and love, that I deserved certain things, that my entire life was going to fall into place and I would reach my castle. I never loose sight of that. I am not narcissistic but I am strong and positive. My favorite thing is always sharing that with people I encounter. I believe that even the smallest friendly smile can make a world of difference to a perfect stranger!

STAY POSITIVE TODAY!